wedding dress?

sorry to leave you all hanging yesterday, but it was one long ass day.

my mom and cousin torre came in tuesday night to go dress shopping with me on wednesday. it was also my mama’s birthday, so b and i took them to dinner at our favorite, room 39. we got up and got after it on wednesday. we got to the mall in time to grab a bagel and get to nordstrom right as it opened. together we pulled about 15 dresses. there were two that worked out very well and then there was the one. i had seen it online and really liked it, so i was thrilled when my mom found it on the sale rack and even more thrilled when it fit like a glove. at $99 i couldn’t just leave it there, so i checked their return policy and made my purchase. from there we went to the well in waldo for lunch and to kill some time before our 2:00 appointment at alter.

alter is a beautiful, locally owned bridal salon. they carry small collections from great designers. given that my wedding is so soon they suggested i shop their sample room, as it would be hard to get a gown ordered, delivered and altered by the big day.  i walked in there pretty confident in my decision to not get a gown. to spend smart. and i really didn’t feel swayed by the appointment. everyone working there was very nice and laid back- something i really enjoyed about it. in the end i walked out feeling pretty all right.

from there we had some time to kill before our 4:00 at the gown gallery downtown. morgan, kelly, jill and christina joined us and we met with our consultant. where as i was the only person at altar, there were several ladies coming and going at the gown gallery. the feel of the place was a less laid back. after talking with me for a little while she went and grabbed some gowns. the first was very simple, but pretty. the second was beautiful, lace everywhere with cap sleeves….and a big ass train. something i am not interested in at all. our ceremony may take 20 minutes, and then i would have to haul all that dress around all night. uh, no. there was to be no moves busted in that dress and i just can’t subscribe to that. when she was getting me out of that one she commented on how hot i was (aka sweaty). and then i started thinking about how hot i would be at the wedding. that place had a/c, the tent at my aunt’s will not. then she put me in a drop waist varsalona gown. it was really pretty. but it didn’t make me happy. the consultant kept saying  how i would be looking at myself in that dress for years to come and all i could think was that i would look at those pictures and wonder what happened in my brain the day i decided to spend a small fortune on something that i never thought i wanted.

at that point i just felt so defeated. i tried on a few more things. and then got back in the varsalona. tired. hot. conflicted. i got out of the dress. we took my measurements and looked at a sizing chart. then i asked if i would be an issue to get it in on time. then she realized my wedding date. she said it was do-able, but we would have to act on it soon. my mom and torre were heading back to springfield, so we chatted a bit with christina about the dresses. the gowns make my waist look tiny and i would definitly look like a bride. but did i want to spend $1800 on a dress? i tried to keep everyone’s comments from my last post in mind. i tried to remember what i wanted before i ever walked into one of the dress shops. i tried to stay in my happy place.

i said goodbye to my mama and my cousin and headed to happy hour with the girls. on the way over christina and i talked about how the varsalona reminded me a lot of the white by vera wang that i liked at david’s bridal. and which one did i like better? i found myself wanting to like the vera wang better because it was $1200, instead of the higher priced varsalona. we ordered cocktails and busted out kelly’s iphone to look at BHLDN and drooled over a few things on their site, but still wasn’t overly excited about anything. all i was really feeling was anxiety and that i was sweaty. and then we started talking about that. if you have ever had the pleasure of going dancing with me you know that it doesn’t end pretty. i sweat like a whore in church and i have thin hair, so by the time the night is over i look like i took a sweat shower. i don’t want to look like that on my wedding day ( at least not until after 10:00, let’s be realistic here people). i don’t want to spend an ass load of money on a dress that i am uncomfortable in. that i would want to take off after wearing it for two hours. we talked about how it means a lot to me to stay within the $5000 budget we have set. that what is going to make me feel like a bride is the love that will surround me that day. and that moment of walking down the aisle. friends. family. b. and the sheer joy of it all. and then we started talking about the sundress from nordstrom. and my anxiety started to fade.

two tequilas and a white wine spritzer (don’t hate, i did when kel ordered it and then promptly shut up when i tried it) later, i was at home putting on the dress for the girls. and they loved it. and i felt pretty. and then we started using our brains. we could change the straps, or remove them completely, we could add tulle for depth and a nice sash and bow to make me stand out. we could scallop the bottom hem. we could do a lot to tweak it and make it mine.

lucky for me i all ready had an appointment set with the wonderful janay of janay a. handmade. i brought the dress in and showed her. then we talked for a bit about my wedding and what i was going for. and then the ideas started flowing. i could see her vision so clearly and she was right on the mark. so after we scattered tulle and ribbons and buttons and pearls and fabric all over her front room, we finalized our ideas. and then she gave me the cost. i will tell you when it is all said and done, but i am coming in easily under my $500 dress budget. and WAY under  the $1800 that for a split second the day before i thought i needed to feel like a bride.

i don’t need that. i know that. and now i have acted on it. walking out of her place today i felt great. i felt responsible. i felt happy. i felt excited!! i wish i could give you all the details now, but what fun is that!?

with a little extra cash to play with in the bride fund i am looking forward to great shoes, accessories and a splurge on some really great makeup.

i never wanted a gown. i just figured i should try them on since this is my one chance to. part of me wishes i never would have even tried. for me, the wedding isn’t going to be made by the dress.

thanks to everyone who chimed in. i really needed your input more than i knew. your words are what got me through yesterday.  and my friends, family and that bottle of champagne jill showed up with.

wedding dress? CHECK!