forced disconnect

wednesday night i sat my phone in a cup of sangria.
today is friday.
it feels embarrassing to say how awkward it was initially without it.
i have a screen curfew and feel like i am pretty in-touch with my phone and social media habits. i take breaks from both often.

yet, that night i felt i  had to inform the network via the facebook that i was without phone. because, you know, if you call someone and they don’t answer it is likely because they are dead.
and because all 1,000 of my closest internet friends needed to know that my phone wasn’t working.
not just the 6 people who are likely to need to get a hold of me…

yesterday i woke up naturally at 6:15, when my alarm goes off daily, but for some reason allowed myself to go back to sleep (see sangria above, perhaps?).
pushing the normal morning dog walk off.
when i finally got up at 9:00 (!!!), i didn’t sit down to meditate as i have been pretty regularly for the past few months.
why? because i needed a timer.
i didn’t sit ALL DAY.
i could have used the oven timer.
i could have used something online.
i could have just sat, until i felt i sat long enough because i had no obligations until 6:00 in the evening!
but i didn’t.

at first, i felt tied to the computer so that if anyone needed to get in touch with me, they could.
please note that i am not getting lots of phone calls everyday. i am currently not employed by anyone else. no one NEEDED to get in touch with me.
yet, i felt pretty attached.

ridiculous, right?

i see the lesson here and it stings a bit.
i thought i was in a different place in my relationship with this.
if i can’t accept my lessons with an open heart, i will never learn them.
and they will show up again and again until i do, each time bringing the sting.

and so, i am thankful for the reminder to be present.

oh, and i am buying an alarm clock.
i want my phone out of my bedroom.



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