you can’t control everything

but you can control your attitude about it.

one of the ideas Gretchen Rubin (the author will from now on be refered to as GR) discusses early in the book is to act the way you want to feel. this was fasinating to me. i can clearly remember trying to explain to b on several occasions that i was just in a bad mood and there was nothing  i could do about it. or so i thought…

b is (almost) always right.

GR quotes William James as saying “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”

so with everything that is happening in my world i find myself constantly updating people about the situation. and while i so greatly appriciate that people care, it was getting tiring. i didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. i didn’t really even want to talk about it. it is what it is and no amount of emotion was going to change it.

however, i realized that a lot of the way i acted and delivered the information made people feel bad for me. so by thinking a little about my tone and word choice, i think i am having an easier time talking with people about the situation and what will happen from here. and i am happier because of it.

by making a conscious decision i was able to alter my mood.

i have been doing my best to act the way i want to feel and so far it feels pretty good.

4 thoughts on “you can’t control everything

  1. you have got it right girl! it is all about the attitude and you can only manage your own and hope that people stay positive around you. I think I might have to go back and read her book again, I could use some of it’s positive insights. perhaps even go on a journey like hers to pick a specific item to focus on each month. I love the new blog format and I love you!

  2. t, love the new format…broken up into parts…this is good! I know you are frustrated about things not going as planned. I have to commend you on making the effort to act the way you want to feel…same idea, I guess, as “dress the part”. I commend you here because it is EXHAUSTING to put yourself in another place emotionally. Especially when we are in a bad mood, the last thing we want to do is make ourselves feel better, the natural tendency is wanting to wallow. This is a tough thing to do, but I am going to try it too. (Yes, even in the fantasy life I am living, work gets to me…ever-focused on the job am I.) I would only like to point out here how very lucky you are. I think you were so excited about the big move and big change that when it didn’t go according to plan, your focus became that disappointment. But you are SOOOOOO lucky! How many people do you know who can look for a house, move to a fantasy life, quit their job without things being set in stone, then get to go with the flow for months with no worries about money, an amazing mate and the assurance that the two of you will land on your feet in a home you love? Not many. I know you are impatient for the real, new life to start, but it will. For now, enjoy this time. There may never be time like this again. Love you. ~g

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