i have been homesick lately. or kansas city sick, i should say, as home is now here, in arkansas. i will hear something or think about something and the next thing i know, i am all teary eyed (thank god for sunglasses) and wishing i could get in the car and see my people. and technically, i can, but that won’t help. because eventually i will have to come home again. the funny thing is, that as upset as i try and get, i just can’t totally lose it. my eyes will well up, and i turn to look away and it is beautiful. it just takes some getting used to. when i was slammed with wedding, moving and the newness of it all, i didn’t stop to miss people. it also helped that we had friends in town almost every weekend for 3 months solid. but now, as winter creeps in, life slows down. and it all starts to sink in.
with all of that being said, i do realize what a gift it is to be able to live here. to be able to look out my windows and see natural beauty in every direction. to know true silence and see the stars each and every night. it has certainly changed me and will continue to do so.
“Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountain is going home; that wildness is necessity; that mountain parks and reservations are useful not only as fountains of timber and irrigating rivers, but as fountains of life.”-John Muir
“Believe one who knows: you will find something greater in woods than in books. Trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters.”- Saint Bernard de Clairvaux
ahoyfriend. 
i totally agree!
We are part of the universe. Our earth was created from the universe and will one day be reabsorbed into the universe. We are made of the same matter and energy as the universe.
We are not in exile here: we are at home. It is only here that we will ever get the chance to see paradise. If we believe our real home is not here but in a land that lies beyond death – if we believe that the true object of reverence is described only in old books, or found only in old buildings, or inside our head – then we will see this real, vibrant, luminous world as if through a glass darkly.
The universe creates us, preserves us, destroys us. It is deep and old beyond our ability to reach with our senses. It is beautiful beyond our ability to describe in words. It is complex beyond our ability to fully grasp in science.
This wonder is everywhere inside you and outside you and you can never be separated from it. Whatever else is taken from you, this can never be taken from you. Wherever you are, it’s there with you. Wherever you go, it goes with you. Whatever happens to you, it remains with you.
beautiful aunt cathe and i agree. pantheism is the closest term i can find to define my beliefs.
complete understand what you are going through. it is so difficult to move away from everything you know and to be somewhat isolated. but i am sure that you will find your inner peace and rediscover your natural rhythms. being in such a beautiful place will allow your inner artist to shine and you will be so much more in touch with what makes you truly happy then while living in the rush of a big city. while there are times that i hate living in a small town, there are some truly wonderful benefits, and you have more nature and free time then I do. sounds like you are embracing it, just give yourself more time to let it all sink in. enjoy a cup of coffee and a good book while looking at that beautiful view. take full advantage of this time to do things for yourself and that make you happy, as a time will come when you don’t have as much time for yourself. big cities make us sick. nature makes us well. xoxo